Dear Kurt
by Boredette
Summary: Karofsky needs to say a few things to a certain glee club member. Britana/Klaine/Kurtofsky  implied Samcedes
1. Chapter 1

Dear Kurt

I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon – if ever – but I need to apologize anyway. The things I've said and done to you have been playing over and over again in my mind and I want it to stop. I need to clear my conscience.

Let me start by explaining myself. I know that I have no excuse for the things I've done, but I need you to understand my side of the story.

My dad is deeply religious and because of it, my whole life I've been led to believe that whatever God says goes. If God says we go to church three times a week, then we do. If God says disobedience is a sin, then you don't disobey. If God says homosexuality is evil, then you sure as hell can't be homosexual under my roof. We didn't even speak about it. The concept didn't exist.

In elementary school I had my first crush – a boy called Mark. I really liked him. He was in my class and he went to my church so we were pretty good friends. On Valentine's Day, I made him a card I'd made during arts and crafts period. He didn't say anything – to me anyway. When I got home that day, his parents were sitting in the living room with my parents. They were pretty pissed off. My parents told me to go to my room until Mark's parents left.

I wondered what was going on. Why were they so angry? Where was Mark? Why did my parents look so shocked?

Not long after, my dad came into my room looking really serious. He asked me if I gave Mark the card as a friend or if I meant it as something more. I answered honestly, because I had no idea that it wasn't considered normal for a boy to like a boy. I had never experienced a punishment like it in my life. My father was furious. He said that I'd ruined a friendship that he had had since high school and that I was a disappointment.

I was picked on right through middle school because of it. It got so bad that when my dad got the job offer to come here, he didn't even blink. I had managed to convince him that I knew what I did was wrong and that it wouldn't happen again. Even though he had forgiven me, I knew that I needed to prove that I was a real man. So, when I started at William McKinley, I joined the football team and made myself out to be the man that my father wanted me to be. Inside, I was dying because I knew that I was lying to myself and there was nothing I could do to change it.

Then you came along. You were so confident in who you were, so proud to be you. Even though you were the only openly gay kid in the school, you had no shame. I can tell you with all honesty that the more I thought about you, the more jealous I became. I desperately wanted what you had – a group of friends who love you for who you are, a father who would stand up for you...

And it didn't help that I was starting to fall in love with you.

That day I kissed you – I don't think you understood that I needed you. I know I had no right to feel that way - especially with the way I'd been throwing you around – but in my twisted mind, I thought that if we were already together, it would be easier for me to come out. When you pushed me away, it was like being snapped back to reality. It didn't surprise me that you didn't feel the same way.

I know you have a boyfriend now, and I respect that. I just want you to know that I'm still in love with you. That kiss wasn't just repressed emotion; that was how I really feel about you. You're beautiful and though I know you'd probably never consider me after all I've done, I wish you would.

I know this letter will probably never leave my hands. I just needed to admit who I am and to apologise for what I've put you through. Santana is showing me that it's ok to be who I really am. I'm considering coming out one of these days and when I do, I'm going to tell you to your face how I feel about you, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

Until then, I'm going to have to admire you from a distance.

All my love  
>Karofsky<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Santana was queen of knowing things that she knew she shouldn't. She had dirt on pretty much most of McKinley High. It was what allowed her to be such a bitch and get away with it. This school was a shark tank enough without having your business out in the open, turning you into bait. She had no problem starting rumours with the smallest hint at a scandal and she didn't care who it was about.

Except that this time, it was Karofsky. She was far from close to the guy, but she was sympathetic. She knew what it was like to be trapped in the closet. In fact, from what she could tell from the letter he had accidentally left in his Geometry book, he was not only closeted, but also not able to admit that he was in love with someone.

Santana had read that letter more times than she cared to admit. She was surprised at the way it was written because even though she knew that it was Karofsky's handwriting, it didn't sound like things he would say. Then again, these were probably his deepest, most secret thoughts and she had no idea how his twisted mind really worked. All she knew is that she could relate to everything he said. It was as if he had taken her thoughts and written them on the page. After reading it, she realized that all she really wanted for him was to be happy. At least one of them would be.

She didn't want to be the one to give Lady Fabulous the letter, though. She was enjoying the developing, mutually-beneficial friendship between her and Karofsky and if he found out that she had given him the letter, it would most certainly not help things along. At the same time, she wanted Hummel with Karofsky more than anything. Dalton was a drag and thought way too highly of himself. If she ever did admit that she cared, she would say that she didn't like the way Kurt had become so dependent on him for his happiness. Karofsky would be so much better for him and he would be good for Karofsky.

The idea that came to her next was so evil and perfect that she couldn't help but smile to herself.

"Hey Britt," she said, finding her staring aimlessly into her locker.

"Hey Santana," she said, not taking her eyes off the locker.

Santana had never seen her look more beautiful. And it looked like she was wearing the locket she had bought her for Christmas. Completely distracted by the girl in front of her, she almost forgot what she needed to do. A bell rang behind her and she remembered.

"Hurry, we have an open-book Geometry quiz!" she said, grabbing her hand and running to the Geometry class.

"Santana, I don't think I have my Geometry book here," replied Brittany, looking worried.

"Don't worry, I've got Karofsky's – you can borrow his."

Santana couldn't believe how well her plan was working. She handed Brittany Karofsky's book and watched as she took the only open seat in the class – next to Hummel. She wondered when, if ever, Britt would work out that she didn't take Geometry and that she was actually missing her History class. She smiled another evil smile to herself.

"Why are you smiling like that?" asked Karofsky as he took his usual seat next to her – the seat directly in front of Hummel. She couldn't have planned it more perfectly if she tried.

"I always smile like this, you should know that by now," she replied, punching him playfully on the arm. She secretly wished that she could watch the madness that would shortly ensue behind her, but it was important that Karofsky didn't see it and the only way that that would happen would be if she managed to distract him enough.

Secretly, she hoped she knew Brittany well enough to have this plan work for her.

Kurt looked over at Brittany who looked like she might die from an anxiety attack at any moment. She was paging furiously through the Geometry book as if trying to find the answers to something that she alone could have invented. He never had been sure about her mental situation, but he was beginning to believe that she really had gone crazy this time. For one thing, she didn't even take Geometry. For another, she kept asking the girl on her other side if she knew what kind of questions they might ask in the quiz. There wasn't going to be a quiz.

"Britt, can I help?" Kurt asked politely.

"It's just like I've never seen this stuff before. I'm going to fail again," she replied, looking miserable, continuing her relentless thumbing of the book.

"Britt, you do know that you don't take Geo –" he began, but stopped when he saw a folded piece of paper with the words "To Kurt" written in giant letters fall out of the book.

Curiously, he picked up the carefully folded page and opened it. He checked who it was from and all the air left his lungs when he read "All my love – Karofsky". He looked up curiously to the back of the Neanderthal's head. Why would he be writing that in a letter to him? Was he finding new ways of screwing up his life? He didn't know, but something told him that he shouldn't read the note in class. Swinging his bag over his shoulder and putting Brittany out of her misery by explaining why she didn't know anything about Geometry, he asked to be excused to see the nurse.

He made his way to the nearest bathroom and locked himself in a cubicle. Nervously, he opened the letter and began reading and the more he read, the more he regretted reading. He was happy with just being the kid that Karofsky picked on because he was out and proud, the kid that Karofsky wished he could be. To be the one he was in love with... He didn't know what to do. He didn't know that that kiss meant so much to him. It had certainly meant nothing to Kurt. It had explained a lot, but after rubbing copious ointment into the bruises he received almost daily, he found it hard to even think about reciprocating those kinds of feelings.

He didn't know what to do. Now that he knew the truth – why Karofsky was the way he was – he found it a little harder to store the hate he had been storing for the past few months. He felt pity as he had never felt it before, which only served to confuse him more. He needed to see Blaine and talk things through with him. He didn't, however, want to show him the letter. He wasn't even sure that he was supposed to have seen it and the last thing he wanted was to infringe on someone's privacy. He pulled out his phone and began texting.

"Hey b, meet me 4 lunch? It's NB. Lv ya x".

He couldn't believe that he had only been back for two weeks and he was already crying. Of course, it wasn't for the usual reasons, but even so, one of the things he hadn't missed about McKinley was the crying. He liked the fact that he was always able to control his emotions at Dalton, even if he would have liked to express himself a little more at times. He wished now that he had a better excuse for the tears making their pathetic journeys towards his chin, but there wasn't one. He felt sorry for Karofsky and was now more confused than ever as to how he should react to him.

His phone vibrated in his hand and he immediately checked the message. "Sure. U ok? Lv ya 2 xx B"

"I'm fyn. C u at lunch xx" he hastily typed back. Composing himself, he tried to get rid of his red blotchy eyes. The last thing he needed was people asking him why he was crying.

He wasn't even really sure himself.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Santana, are you finished with my Geometry book?" Dave asked as they sat down in the cafeteria for lunch. They were still trying to look like a couple, so they sat at a respectably close distance. It was uncomfortable, but necessary.

"Oh, yeah," she said, taking it out of her satchel and handing it over.

"Thanks," he said. "What was up with Brittany today? She looked more confused than usual."

"I have no idea, actually. She followed me to Geometry convinced we had a quiz and I found it too funny to stop her," Santana said pushing food around her plate, trying to avoid anything that wasn't a vegetable. Dave felt it was kind of his job now as her "boyfriend" to point out that she had no need to worry about her figure, but he was still weird about those things. They weren't even really properly friends yet, although she had helped him more in three weeks than anyone else had ever helped in his entire life. He laughed politely at her quip and pushed his concerns to the back of his mind.

Santana wasn't the only person he was concerned about. Kurt had left Geometry early looking really pale and worried. He hadn't seen him since. Dave hoped that it wasn't because of him. He had already apologised to Kurt, but even he knew that it couldn't pass for a sincere apology. Was he still worried about bullying? The idea struck him hard. He knew that he would have to apologize properly to make sure that this wasn't the case. He might even tell him how he really felt. There was always the letter...

He pulled out his Spanish book to retrieve the letter from where he had left it between the pages. However, it didn't take him long to realize that it wasn't there. Not an issue, he had probably left it in his Geometry book (an idea he didn't like because that would mean Santana would have no doubt read it). As he flicked through his Geometry book, though, an icy feeling of dread crept through his body. It wasn't there.

Crap!

He rummaged through his bag, pulled out and replaced everything and checked every single pocket. The letter was nowhere to be seen. A steady string of curses coursed through his mind as he imagined what might have happened to it. None of the jocks had seen it; of that much he was sure. He was still able to walk through the hallways as one of them. However, the ideas of where it could be, who could be reading it, terrified him.

"Are you ok?" Santana asked. She looked genuinely concerned.

"I need find something. I'll catch up with you in Spanish," he said hurriedly.

"Hasta la vista," she replied, rolling her eyes.

Dave would find that letter if he had to dig through every trashcan in the school.

"So what's the big emergency?" Blaine asked as they sat down at their favourite table at their favourite coffee shop. "Anything I need to worry about?"

"I found a letter from Karofsky in his Geometry textbook today. It was him apologizing and telling me that he's in love with me," Kurt replied quickly, hoping to get the worst out as fast as possible. He hated everything about this situation. He hated that he was more confused than ever about the Karofsky thing, he hated that he just had to tell Blaine that another guy was in love with him and he hated that despite it all, he didn't hate Karofsky anymore. Every bad feeling was now replaced with pity and while this did nothing to help his current dilemma he couldn't help but feel that this was progress.

Blaine said nothing and stirred his coffee with his thinking face on. Kurt could tell that he was trying to come up with something wise and impressive to say, but this time he wasn't making any progress. If there was anything that annoyed him about Blaine, it was his need to always be the one with the right thing to say. Sometimes all he wanted to hear was "that sucks" and "Aw, baby, I'm still here for you". Sometimes he didn't think that Blaine understood that he was looking for a boyfriend and not a consultant.

"I just needed to talk to you," said Kurt, stirring his coffee absent-mindedly. He was worried about Blaine's lack of speaking. "I'm really confused about all of this."

"Confused about his feelings or your feelings?" asked Blaine, with an accusing tone in his voice that grated.

"Confused about his feelings, Blaine," said Kurt, barely disguising the offense in his voice. "I'm not going to suddenly fall in love with every boy that happens to have feelings for me."

"You fell in love with me quickly enough," said Blaine under his breath.

"God, Blaine! I can't believe how immature you're being," said Kurt, really starting to get angry. "For the love of Gaga, we're talking about the person who tortured me on a daily basis, who made my life a living hell – the reason I transferred to your Rich-Boy school for the Anal Retentive!"

He regretted it as soon as he said it, but he wasn't about to apologize. What Blaine was accusing him of was far worse than what he had just said and he wasn't going to stand for it.

"So that's how it is then?" said Blaine, standing up angrily.

"Seems so," said Kurt angrily, brushing past him and heading for the door. "Thanks for the conversation. I feel much better about my situation now."

He waited until he had driven out of sight to start crying. How had that gone so wrong? Blaine had been there for him through the worst of the Karofsky drama and all of a sudden he was jealous of him? Was he crazy? Had he suddenly forgotten everything that had happened over the past few months?

It was almost a relief to be back on campus for the rest of his classes. He had managed to get himself excused from gym class for the rest of the semester because of his transfer and thus instead of running around chasing an orange ball, he sat in the bleachers re-reading the Karofsky letter. Should he confront Karofsky about it? How would he even do that? Would the bullying start again?

He sat there long after Coach Bieste had blown the shower whistle and the bell signalling the end of the day had rung, trying to decide what he should do next. He didn't have long to work it out, however. His blood ran cold as he saw Karofsky making his way towards him with a look of horror on his face.

He had really stepped in it now

Dave's heart involuntarily skipped a beat when he saw Kurt sitting in the bleachers. After years of trying to fight those feelings and trying to convince himself that he shouldn't be feeling those things for guys, it was nice to let himself feel the butterflies and the way his heart seemed to forget how to beat properly. He could honestly say that he had never felt this way about any other person before. He would have been so content to just watch Kurt from where he was standing behind the basketball rack. However, when he saw what Kurt had clutched in his hand, his heart almost stopped. How on earth had he gotten hold of the letter? Especially since he was the last person he wanted to have reading the letter.

Without thinking, he made his way over to where Kurt was sitting, now staring back at him like a deer caught in headlights. He could see the fear in his eyes and it reminded Dave of who he was to Kurt. He could tell that the smaller boy was terrified that he was going to hurt him again, even though he couldn't dream of ever laying a finger on him again. Kurt didn't know that though. He wasn't sure if he would have believed the content of the letter either after all he had done. The best thing to do would be to make sure that he knew he meant no harm from the offset.

"H-Hummel," he began, meaning to continue with some explanation for the letter, but finding that his mouth was too dry too say anything else. Instead, he sat down next to Kurt and stared blankly into the empty gymnasium. Kurt was breathing heavily, it almost sounded like he was crying. Dave didn't want to look. He knew that if he looked, he might mess things up more than they already were.

"Is this letter the truth?" Kurt asked. He was definitely crying. There was a slight shake in his words, but he managed to keep his tone level and calm – a true actor. Dave didn't know how to reply. Should he lie and say that it was a joke? That would only make things worse between him and Kurt. He decided that this was an opportunity and as such he was going to use it.

"Yes," Dave said, trying not to hyperventilate. He knew how badly wrong this could go for him, but at the same time, he knew that Kurt needed to know. There was no use trying to pretend anymore, especially now that he had read the letter. "It's all true."

He betrayed himself and turned around to look at the younger boy. He was staring into his lap, trying to remain composed, but there were tears falling from his cheeks onto his knees. This was his fault and he knew it.

"Kurt," he said, trying to hide the shaking in his voice, "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me for the rest of your life. The things I did to you, the way I made you feel. It's not right. Yes, all the feelings in the letter are true, but I don't expect you to ever believe them. I don't know how to do this, since I really didn't want you to ever see that letter, but since you have there's no point in hiding. I really am in love with you, Kurt Hummel."

"You're wrong," said Kurt, sitting up, pulling out a tissue and wiping the tears from his eyes and cheeks. "I'm not going to lie, I hated you for a very long time and even coming back here with the apology you gave me went against my better judgement. But that letter... That's really you, David. That's who you really are and I can't hate you. I've been where you are; I know how dark it is."

Dave almost forgot to breath when Kurt took his hand. "I know that you have feelings for me. I want you to know that I'm not saying no. At the moment, this whole situation is confusing and there's Blaine to consider, but I'm going to work through it."

Dave couldn't do anything in that moment but stare into Kurt's bluish-green eyes and pray that he didn't say or do anything stupid. It was no use however, because the next second, he could feel his lips pressed to Kurt's. His mind screamed for him to pull away, especially when he felt how tense Kurt was, but he didn't. And then, to his amazement, Kurt relaxed into the kiss. Dave's heart soared. He was kissing Kurt and Kurt was kissing back. When they broke apart, Kurt looked nervously down at his shoes.

"Oh God, Kurt, I'm so sorry," Dave said, seeing the conflict on his face. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't apologize," Kurt said, a sad smile playing on his features. "I clearly need to work some things out." He stood up and offered the letter to Dave.

"It's yours, Kurt," he replied softly. Kurt nodded, slipped it into his pocket and left the gymnasium.

Once he was sure that Kurt was gone, Dave broke down, wondering how one of the happiest moments his life was also one of the darkest.

**A/N: Ok, firstly to the wonderful people who have reviewed my story so far, you guys rock! This was seriously only going to be a one-shot until you changed my mind :) **

**I feel a little bad about making Blaine such an asshole, but I love stories where he isn't perfect. Because, seriously, sometimes that boy can seem too perfect. I also think that he's bad news for Kurt. But that's just my opinion.**

**Thank you for reading! There are probably going to be two more chapters, so be excited :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt couldn't stop crying. The shock of what had happened had worn off ages ago and now there was just an aching that he couldn't describe. He lay on his bed with a box of Kleenex, the L_es Miserables _soundtrack blasting through his iPod earphones. He needed to talk to someone. His dad was upstairs, but he wouldn't understand. He'd just be pissed off about the Karofsky of it all. He couldn't even imagine having a decent conversation about this with Finn. He'd tried talking to Blaine, but that hadn't worked, and what could he really tell him after what he had done now? He considered calling Mercedes, but he knew that she was too busy worrying about her own love life (she was in love with Sam, but wouldn't admit it).

The one person Kurt needed right then was his mom. It was times like these that he missed her more than he could even understand. He knew that he could go to Carole, and he probably would, but this was one of those things he wished he could talk to his mom about.

Trying to compose himself enough to get to the study where Carole was working without alerting his dad's "Kurt Senses", he got off the bed and made his way as nonchalantly as possible to her. He was grateful for Carole in new ways every day. She was perfect for his dad and made a great makeover subject, but more than anything, it was times like this that Kurt found he could really be grateful that there was a woman in the house.

"Carole?" he said knocking on the door of the study. She was typing away furiously, no doubt trying to shift enormous piles of paper as usual. He marvelled at how hard she worked at something that would have slowly sucked the life out of him. She looked up from her work, pushing her glasses down so that she could see who it was.

"Hi Kurt," she said with a smile, "is there something I can help you with?" Kurt nodded and lost his composure again. "Oh honey," Carole said, standing up and putting her arms around Kurt. She closed the door and led him to the small sofa in one corner of the study. She let him cry for a few minutes, handing him Kleenex after Kleenex. Finally, when he calmed down a bit, she asked him what was wrong. Kurt explained about the letter and then Blaine and finally about what had happened in the gymnasium.

"I'm just so confused. I thought things were going to be easier after Karofsky apologized but everything just keeps getting screwed up. I don't even understand my own feelings anymore. I really, really like Blaine, but I didn't hate kissing Karofsky either. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"I think the best thing you could do right now is get a good night's sleep. I'll tell your dad and Finn that you're not feeling well and that they shouldn't disturb you. You go sleep it off. You have the whole weekend to deal with your feelings." Carole kissed Kurt on the forehead affectionately and gave him a tight hug.

"Thanks Carole," said Kurt. "You always know what to say."

"I'm glad I could help. Now I'm serious – get some rest. No more _Les Mis_." She said with a wink, sending him off to his room.

Kurt went back to his room smiling slightly. If he couldn't have his mom anymore, he was glad he had Carole.

Santana was bummed out. It was her and Karofsky's "date night" and while he had done everything right so far, she could tell his head wasn't in the game. He was miserable and he wasn't eating. She watched him push the same meatball around his plate for a full six minutes before she snapped.

"Okay Karofsky, you have thirty seconds to explain why you're acting like a panda who's mom got poached," she said, an annoyed look on her face.

"Sorry, it's just been a bad week. I'm trying, but I'm just not me tonight," he said, putting his fork down. She didn't like seeing him like this. Did this have something to do with the letter? She hoped not. That wasn't the look of someone who had successfully confessed their love to somebody. That was the look of someone who was in love with someone who was in love with someone else. She knew that feeling.

"Hey, if you want to go home, it's ok. I only live a couple of blocks from here. I'll sponsor this one," Santana said, placing a comforting hand on Karofsky's.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positive. My life is depressing enough without you being all lame on our dates," Santana grinned.

"Thank you," said Karofsky. He gave her a quick hug and went to his car. He had never felt worse in his entire life. How do you justify torturing someone, despite being in love with him only to kiss him now that he's found somebody who would actually treat him right. He didn't deserve Kurt and he knew it. So why couldn't he just leave it alone?

He needed to find somewhere to think and maybe vent a little. The idea of the school auditorium suddenly entered his mind. He'd never admit it, but he loved to sing and the idea of the stage and the big, empty hall gave him an idea.

Kurt was making no progress in sorting out this crisis. Blaine kept texting him and Kurt kept ignoring him. He couldn't face him, not after what he had done with Karofsky and he didn't even know if he wanted to. Blaine had pissed him off and it would take more than some cheap text apology to change that.

He was now also confused with his feelings towards Karofsky. That kiss had been pretty amazing. Unlike with the first one, Kurt knew that this time it wasn't to mess him around or screw up his life. He was starting to believe that Karofsky was indeed a new man. At the same time, he couldn't ignore what had happened. He wished he could understand these ridiculous feelings.

What he needed was the auditorium and a grand piano. So, after letting his dad and Carole know where he was going, he climbed into his car and made his way to the school. Mr Schuester had given all the glee club members (except Puck – quite wisely) keys to the auditorium so that they could practise if they needed to. This was the first time he had taken him up on his offer. It felt amazing to be in the deserted hall with nothing but the grand piano and his voice. After a deep breath, he began striking the keys, playing the intro to one of his favourite songs. Then he began singing.

_Story of my life  
>Searching for the right<br>But it keeps avoiding me  
>Sorrow in my soul<br>Cause it seems that wrong  
>Really loves my company<br>_

_He's more than a man  
>And this is more than love<br>The reason that the sky is blue  
>The clouds are rolling in<br>Because I'm gone again  
>And to him I just can't be true<em>

As he sang, he heard a noise backstage, but being the professional he was, he refused to stop singing to investigate. He allowed power to build in his voice as he went into the pre-chorus.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills him inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other guy  
>I can see him dying<em>

Suddenly there was someone singing in harmony from somewhere behind him. It wasn't a voice he recognised, but it was beautiful. He glanced over his shoulder to see who it could be, but he couldn't see at his angle. Instead of worrying about it, he revelled in the moment. It was so dramatic, singing with a stranger.__

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>Everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer<em>

The mystery singer was standing directly behind him now. His deep voice blended perfectly with Kurt's high voice. The sound that flowed through the auditorium was truly beautiful. As much as he was enjoying singing with the mystery singer, he really just wanted to finish the song so he could see who it was.

_I feel it in the air  
>As I'm doing my hair<br>Preparing for another date  
>A kiss upon my cheek<br>As he reluctantly  
>Asks if I'm gonna be out late<br>I say I won't be long  
>Just hanging with the girls<br>A lie I didn't have to tell  
>Because we both know<br>Where I'm about to go  
>And we know it very well<em>

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills him inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other guy  
>I can see him dying<em>

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>Everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer<em>

The song was taking forever, but the mystery voice was making it worth it. On more than one occasion, Kurt felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the beauty of it.__

_Our love, his trust  
>I might as well take a gun and put it to his head<br>Get it over with  
>I don't wanna do this<br>Anymore  
>Uh<br>Anymore (anymore)_

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>And everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer (a murderer)<br>_

As the last note of the piano faded into the silence of the auditorium, Kurt turned around to see Karofsky standing there, seemingly midway between laughing and crying.

"David?" he gasped. He had seen him perform once before, but that time he had been a part of a chorus. This new side of him was both shocking and beautiful. "You've been hiding that voice all these years?"

"Another reason to be jealous of you, Kurt Hummel," he said, taking a seat next to Kurt, facing away from the piano. "Look, about yesterday –"

"David, let's just forget what happened yesterday," Kurt said, running his fingers lightly over the piano keys.

"I can't," Karofsky said, looking directly into Kurt's eyes.

"Me neither," he admitted. "I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm with Blaine and I – well I was happy, but that kiss messed me up pretty badly."

"So that song we just sang, that was how you feel?" Karofsky asked.

"Yes," Kurt said. Karofsky smiled and Kurt could see him leaning in closer. "David, let's not. I'm still not sure how I feel about you or Blaine and you aren't even out."

"If we were together, I'd come out," Karofsky said, taking Kurt's hand.

"Please don't put that pressure on me, David," Kurt replied, looking into his eyes. "I don't want my decision to be the basis for whether or not you come out. That's too important to base on me."

Kurt stood up and Karofsky followed suit. "You're right," he said, "I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to do it alone."

Kurt took his hand. "I need to work out my feelings towards Blaine before I can explore any feelings towards you. It's only fair. But you need to be honest with yourself. If you don't, you'll just end up going insane."

"I know," Karofsky said. Kurt pulled him into a tight hug.

"I forgive you, for what it's worth," Kurt whispered. Karofsky nodded, unable to speak. "We should get out of here."

Kurt left the auditorium much less confused. He knew now what had to be done.


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay, you dragged my ass down to this weird little watering-hole. What do you want? Date night was last night," Santana said as she sat down at Dave's table at the coffee shop where he had asked to meet her.

"I'm coming out," said Dave simply, grinning slightly at the look of confusion on Santana's face.

"Have you lost the plot? The only reason we're pretending to be going out is to _not_ come out of the closet. Now you're telling me that you want that?"

"Look, Santana," said Dave, "I'm sick of lying to myself. I'm sick of being that homophobe who forced Hummel out of McKinley. I need to be who I am. And I'm not going to force you to do the same, but I think that if your boyfriend turns out to be gay, they might put two and two together."

"But, think about the humiliation, Karofsky. God, you saw how you treated Kurt. You might be able to live under the constant threat of being shoved into lockers, but I can't."

"I know it's not going to be easy. Hell, I know it's going to be the most difficult year of my life. But it will be worth it if it means I can have Kurt. Wouldn't you be willing to go through hell for Brittany?"

"That's not fair, Karofsky," Santana said, standing up angrily. "You don't know anything about me and Brittany. If you want to go ahead and admit that you're a proud mofo to everybody, be my guest. I'll take my chances in the closet."

Without another word, she stormed out of the coffee shop. Dave leaned back in his seat stirring his coffee slowly. He knew that he had to do it and he knew now that he could take whatever came afterwards, but he was worried about Santana. He didn't want her to get hurt. She had been the best friend that he had had for a long time and the thought of her being targeted because of him scared him.

He looked up and jumped when he saw Kurt walk in with his Dalton boyfriend. He hastily asked the guy at the table next to him if he could borrow his newspaper and hid himself behind it.

"Aw, Kurt, someone's got our table," he heard Dalton say.

"It's not the end of the world, Blaine. The table in front of it is open," replied Kurt. Peering over the top of his newspaper, Dave could see that Kurt was facing him and his boyfriend had his back to him. They stirred their coffee and took their first sips in silence. It was just getting to the awkward stage when Dalton spoke up.

"So what's up? You said you needed to tell me something."

Kurt cleared his throat and then said, "You remember on Friday when I told you about Karofsky's letter?"

"Hard to forget," replied Dalton flatly.

"Well," continued Kurt, "I was pretty upset and I was reading the letter in the gymnasium after school. The long and the short of it is that Karofsky saw me reading it, admitted to my face that he's in love with me and then he kissed me."

"You didn't kiss back though?" asked Dalton. Dave peered over the top of his paper to catch Kurt's expression. He had never seen such a guilty face. "Oh God, Kurt. Please tell me that you didn't kiss him back?"

"I can't," he said, shakily.

"So where does that leave us? Do you have feelings for him now?"

"I don't know, Blaine. I wish I knew, but I don't," said Kurt softly.

"Well that's just great isn't it?" said Dalton sarcastically. "You know, I really thought you were something special. I thought that you were someone I could actually trust. What is he anyway? He beat the crap out of you almost every day and now you're going to tell me that you have feelings for him?"

"I don't understand it either, Blaine. I just know you can't help it," said Kurt.

"You're right; you can't. And right now my biggest regret is that I ever fell in love with you. It's over, Kurt. I can't trust you anymore."

"Blaine –" Kurt began, but Dalton had already stormed past him. Kurt began to silently cry and all Dave wanted to do was hold him and tell him it would be ok, but he couldn't because the last thing he wanted was for Kurt to know that he had overheard something so personal.

He knew exactly what he was going to do and he was willing to risk everything for it.

Kurt didn't even want to come to school that Monday, but the prospect of singing a heartbroken ballad at glee club after his breakup managed to drag him out of bed. The day was slow and he found it impossible to concentrate. The intercom midway through his French lesson was therefore a welcome distraction.

"Attention McKinley High," rang Principal Figgins' voice through the severely bored classroom. "The following is a special announcement from the 'Bully-whip Club'."

"Hi McKinley, Dave Karofsky here and I want to speak to you about bullying."

Most of the students lost interest at this point, but Kurt sat up more in his seat, interested to hear where this was going.

"I know a lot of you might think that it's weird for me to speak about this, seeing as how I've acted this past year, but I want to give you my experience of it. In most cases at this school, you seem to bully because that's what your friends do. That's how it started with me. Slushies in the faces of kids less popular than you. It seems funny and some of the kids who you slushie actually take it pretty well, but the truth is that you don't know what's going on in the life of the kid you slushie and you don't know what kind of damage you're doing to them.

"But the things I've done are worse than that. Sometimes there are things going on in your life and you can't explain them or speak about them. That was me and that was why I acted the way I did to some of you. I was jealous that you could be so open about who you were and that you weren't afraid to be who you wanted to be. Well, I'm finally ready to be that person too."

Many of the kids in the class began to pay more attention at this point, sensing something important was about to be said. Kurt's heart raced. Was he actually going to do it?

"You see the truth is," Karofsky began, then faltered.

"Come on, David, you can do it," Kurt whispered under his breath.

"I'm gay," he said. Many students gasped. Kurt felt tears prickling behind his eyes and his heart swell. He almost forgot to listen to the rest, but luckily he did. "I have been my whole life. I hurt other people because I thought that it would make me feel better about who I was but all it did was nearly get me expelled, force someone who is a valuable asset to McKinley to transfer and forced me further into a shell.

"I wanted to make this announcement today to let you know that if you've got crap going on in your life, taking it out on other people is not going to help. You're just going to end up unnecessarily ruining lives, including your own. There's someone that I really like that I might never have a chance with because of the way I've treated him. It's to him that I want to apologise the most.

"I apologise to everyone I ever slushied, including the AV club and the glee club. It can't be great to have to wash out your clothes in a school bathroom every day. I hope that nothing was permanently damaged. But Most of all, I apologise to Kurt Hummel. The things I said to you and did to you are things that no person should have to be put through. I treated you like crap for no reason. I mean, you're one of the nicest people I know. Even when you found out that I was gay, you didn't tell anyone, even though I made your life a living hell. You didn't deserve anything I did to you and that's something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

"But I really like you, Kurt and though I don't expect you to, if you could bring yourself to feel the same way, I'd like to invite you to the auditorium after school to ask you something important."

Kurt's heart was hammering. This was the last lesson of the day and it was almost over.

"Basically, guys, don't bully. It's not cool. Thank you."

The class was dead quiet and everyone, including the teacher, was staring at Kurt. He could understand why, but at the same time he wished that he had been in a deserted classroom; it would have been far less awkward.

He almost missed the ringing of the bell and only realised it was time to leave when he saw students throwing books into their bags in a hurry to leave the class. Kurt did the same and made his way to the auditorium, a nervous feeling at the pit of his stomach. He knew he would be missing glee club, but he couldn't miss whatever this was. It was too important.

It took a while but before long he noticed that most of the students were heading in the same direction as him. Clearly, they were as curious as he was. Part of him enjoyed the fact that he was a part of a school-wide drama, but most of him wished that they would all just go home.

In what felt like no time, he found himself in the crowded auditorium. Karofsky stood centre-stage in front of a microphone stand. Behind him stood, Finn, Sam and Puck who were clearly going to be doing back-up vocals. When he saw Kurt enter, he motioned to the band who began to play a soft rock intro.

"This is for you, Kurt," he said, stepping closer to the mic. He began to sing.

_I'm not a perfect person  
>There's many things I wish I didn't do<br>But I continue learning  
>I never meant to do those things to you<br>And so I have to say before I go  
>That I just want you to know<br>_

Kurt found himself making his way closer to the stage. People in the audience seemed taken aback by Karofsky's singing. Clearly they had never expected anything like this from him. As Kurt made his way down the stairs, he felt eyes watching him from every direction. Instead of acknowledging this, he concentrated on the words of the song all the harder.

_I've found a reason for me  
>To change who I used to be<br>A reason to start over new  
>And the reason is you<em>

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_  
><em>It's something I must live with every day<em>  
><em>And all the pain I put you through<em>  
><em>I wish that I could take it all away<em>  
><em>And be the one who catches all your tears<em>  
><em>That's why I need you to hear<em>

_I've found a reason for me_  
><em>To change who I used to be<em>  
><em>A reason to start over new<em>  
><em>And the reason is you<em>

_And the reason is you_

The old Karofsky he had known had been completely replaced with this honest, sincere person who was serenading him.

_And the reason is you_

He let the song wash over him. The voice that told him that falling for Karofsky would be a bad idea seemed to be completely drowned out by what was happening at that moment.

_And the reason is you  
><em>

Kurt felt the tears fall shamelessly down his face. This was the most beautiful moment of his life. Never in a million years would he have expected something like this from Karofsky and the fact that it was for him made it even more amazing.

_I'm not a perfect person  
>I never meant to do those things to you<br>And so I have to say before I go  
>That I just want you to know<em>

_I've found a reason for me_  
><em>To change who I used to be<em>  
><em>A reason to start over new<em>  
><em>And the reason is you<em>

_I've found a reason to show_  
><em>A side of me you didn't know<em>  
><em>A reason for all that I do<em>  
><em>And the reason is you<em>

As the song finished, everyone in the auditorium stood up and began clapping wildly. Kurt had never seen anything like it. It took them a full three minutes before it was quiet enough for Karofsky to speak again.

"Kurt, I know I can't ask anything from you, but you would make me the happiest person on Earth if you would be my date to the prom."

The auditorium had become deathly quiet again and Kurt was aware that every single eye in the room was on him. Trying to stop crying enough to reply wasn't easy. A really sweet girl who was sitting in the seat closest to him handed him a Kleenex. He made his way to the stage and when he was directly in front of Karofsky he whispered, "I'd love to."

Karofsky pulled him onto the stage and without warning pressed his lips firmly to Kurt's. This time Kurt didn't hesitate. Distantly they could hear a few jeers and an overwhelming majority of cheering, but neither of them cared. They were both too lost in each other. It was the most perfect moment of Kurt's life.

They broke apart to find the glee club still cheering. Santana and Brittany were hugging and jumping up and down. Suddenly they stopped.

"Screw this. Britt, be my date to the prom," said Santana loudly.

"Yes!" squealed Brittany and they began hugging and jumping again. Neither of them had ever looked happier.

"Thank you," Kurt said, resting his head on Karofsky's shoulder, watching everyone crowd around the now crying girls.

"No, Kurt, thank you," Karofsky replied, putting an arm around him, feeling the happiest he had ever felt in his life.

**A/N: A big thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this! You were all so kind :) My first fic, lol. I feel so accomplished. **

**Ok, just wanted to say that I know that this story isn't reeeeeally canon, but whatever. That's the beauty of fanfiction.**

**Also, I hope that Kurt never has to cry as much as I made him cry in this fic.**

**Oh and the song in my previous chapter is _Unfaithful_ by Rihanna. The song in this chapter is _The Reason_ by Hoobastank.**

**Thanks again! You guys are absolutely awesome :)**


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